Blonde on Blonde (GQ 11/1993)

What happens when two great capitals emerge from the long Scandinavian winter?

A feverish dispatch by Gordon F: Sander

I awoke to bedlam. It was 10 P.M., May Day's Eve, and from where I stood in the lobby of the Hotel Marski on Mannerheimintie, Helsinki's main street, the city seemed to have lost its collective mind. On any given evening, Helsinki is probably one of the safest capitals in the world- as well as one of the quietest but for three celebrations, May Day's Eve, Midsummer's Eve, and New Year's Eve, it turns into one of the craziest.

I had been warned that this year's blowout, marking the end of the dark, long, wet Finnish winter, would be particularly insane. "I'm afraid my students will drink too much this evening," my friend Risto Ihamuotila, the tall, sad-looking rector of the University of Helsinki, had said that afternoon over lampaan kyliyksid valkosipulin ja herkkusienten kera (lamb chops with garlic and mushrooms) at the Alexander Nevski, a Russian restaurant near the Market Square.

Still, I hadn't been prepared for the hurricane of debauchery that greeted me when I ventured out onto Mannerheimintie. Directly in front of me, thousands of hysterical, mostly young, Finnish men and women were careening past.

"BAH-DAH! BAH-DAH!" An ambulance whizzed by, speeding off to tend to victims of the roaring crowd. Several police cars followed close behind.

Even the hotel lobby offered no refuge from the passing storm. Suddenly, an ember of craziness landed in the hotel lobby, sparking a catfight between two otherwise attractive, peaceable-looking women, who started yanking each other's hair. One, breaking away, pushed me roughly aside and rushed out the door; the other, shrieking, ran after her. A little shaken, I decided to retire to my room. It is a little strange to see an entire city overshoot the mark.

The breakfast table at the Marski the next morning was expectedly lavish--breakfast is my favorite meal in Finland, especially following a restorative sauna. I reveled in it, priming myself with a stout mixture of herring, reindeer meat, and crisp bread, washing it down with several kinds of fruit juice and a pot of high-octane Finnish kahvi. It was eight o'clock, but already the klieg light-like northern sun was glinting off the trolley tracks below. A seagull swooped by my window.

Upstairs after breakfast, there was a loud knock on my door. My friend Don D., a tall 30-year-old architect from Los Angeles who was joining me for this particular rake's-cum-inquiring reporter's progress through Scandinavia, had arrived, fresh off the ferry from Germany, where he had been vacationing. He was rarin' to go.

After a brief reunion, we strode off in the direction of Kaivo Park, site of the day's main event, the traditional May Day be- in. I couldn't help but notice how clean the streets already were.

Something else: People were smiling. It's rare to see the repressed Finns smile in public, but nearly everyone we saw as we walked past the colorful Market Square toward Embassy Row was positively beaming.

A beatific scene awaited us. There must have been 25,000 people hanging out in the park that afternoon, lying on blankets, strumming guitars, making out, munching on lihapirakka, taking nips from Champagne bottles. There wasn't a policeman in sight, nor were any needed.

Helsinki had purged itself of its demons, at least for a day. "It's like a Finnish Woodstock," Don declared amiably. Nearby, a survivor from the previous night, painted up like Emmett Kelly, quietly walked into the crevice of a tree and stayed there, murmuring sweet nothings to himself.

Don's head swiveled as one white-blonde beauty after another ambled by. Most of the women, I noticed, were wearing pink lipstick. After a while of this, I returned to my hotel. Don, as was to become his wont, decided to stay behind.

On the way I walked through Senate Square, where a festive crowd of 2,000 or so had gathered to hear a group of Finnish students belt out "Internationale," the Socialist Party anthem.

Ten years ago - even five - such a gathering would have had a much more subdued feeling about it. After all, this is the country that had, until recently, one of the largest Communist parties this side of the Iron Curtain.

Don was anxious to sample Helsinki's curious architectural stew, so that evening we took a lazy stroll up Mannerheimintie. Virtually every style of the past 200 years is showcased here, from neo-Gothic to Social Realist to supermodern. Somehow it all hangs together.

On we sauntered, past the yellow neo-modern post office, past the oxidized statue of Marshal Carl Mannerheim, the great hero of the 1939-40 Winter War with the Soviet Union, in which the absurdly outnumbered Finnish Army skied rings around Stalin's invading legions, an event still celebrated as the country's finest hour; past the glowering Eduskunta, or parliament house, a Reichstag-looking relic of the interwar period, when Finland was under strong Germanic influence; past the Gothic birthday cake that is the National Museum.

We came to Alvar Aalto's masterpiece, Finlandia Hall, site of the 1975 Helsinki Accords, as well as of the quixotic Bush-Gorbachev summit of 1990. Memories. I remembered the synchronized, theatrical entrances of the two foreign ministers, Baker and Shevardnadze, stepping in from the wings of the cavernous conference hall to the loud, formal applause of the 2,200 journalists gathered there. Another era. Don walked twice around the pterodactyl-like building, admiring its soaring lines.

Afterward, we sauntered through linden-lined Töolö Park. There were swans in the ponds. Some old men played chess with life-size pieces.

Something was missing: I didn't see any homeless people. Finland's unemployment rate is 19.5 percent; however, thus far it has managed to keep practically everyone housed and fed. You will not be solicited in Helsinki.

That's not to say that some besotted female berserker will not grab your crotch. That's what happened to Don that evening at Fennia, a new nightclub that had been recommended by the Marski desk clerk.

May Day fever prevailed. The huge club, located in an Art Deco building in the city center, was packed with young buttoned-down types, most of whom were quite blotto and swaying in the aisles.

A well-coiffed brunette in a pantsuit developed a sudden hankering for my strapping, Nordic-looking friend. "What kind of bullet do you carry?" the woman slurred as she grabbed my friend's member.

Strangely, Don, who is usually unflappable, was at a loss for words. Above us, artificial smoke poured down from the ceiling of the four-story, futuristic club. Nearby, a Gypsy girl, incongruously dressed in black, walked by, selling roses.

Eventually, the woman unloosed her grip on Don, allowing us to continue on our way. Soon we were staggering out of the club, with two Finnish women mysteriously in tow-a sultry waitress from the Intercontinental (Don's) and a furniture manager from Lahti (mine).

From there we repaired, against the better instincts of our newfound distaff companies, to Nylon, a new club clubs are always opening in Helsinki--that Don had heard about. We went across the street from the city railroad station, then down an alley, up a narrow neon-lit staircase, and we were there a small, dark room about forty feet by sixty feet; a bar, manned by a uniformed vaguely sinister bartender straight out of The Shining, along one side, a small dance floor on the other.

Five or six people were frenetically dancing to the sound of their own drummer; a few of them looked as if they were on the designer drug Ecstasy. Our dates immediately looked bored and began scrutinizing their watches.

Denim was the uniform here, although a few of the men wore suits. I recognized one of them: Christian Moustgaard, the hip, poker-faced managing director of Radio City, Helsinki's biggest pop station. He turned out to be a part-owner of Nylon.

Moustgaard, one of the leaders of the fertile and wacky Finnish pop scene, was anxious to tell me about one of his newest productions: an upcoming Radio City-sponsored performance in Senate Square featuring the Leningrad Cowboys the celebrated Finnish country-rock band whom Finnish filmic bad boy Aki Kaurismäki made famous in the cracked road epic Leningrad Cowboys Go America- -and, Moustgaard said, smiling,

"the former Red Army Chorus."

"Oh. Cool." And would they be singing "Internationale"?

The joint was still jumping at four, when I left.

Don, as usual, stayed behind.

"You can't imagine how difficult the winters are here." Leena Lander, novelist and rising star of letters, was saying over paistettua sikaa, korvasienimuhennosta (fried whitefish with creamy morel sauce) at the Elite, the cozy, Jugendstil-styled watering hole in the Töölö District favored by the intellectual set.

We were talking about the suicide this past winter of Lander's colleague Arto Kytohonka, the odd, brilliant pioneer of computer-created literature and the creator of the newfangled postal art. He hanged himself last February.

Lander agreed that the weather is definitely a factor in Finland's high suicide rate.

"Every winter I say to myself This will be my last winter,'" the delicate-featured writer, who bears a resemblance to Colette, said with a shiver. "Every summer I sit with my friends in our cottage and we say 'This will be our last summer.'"

Lander herself has much to live for. Her most recent novel, Home of the Dark Butterflies, a literary murder-mystery set at a home for juvenile delinquents, was recently optioned by Hollywood.

The country may be going through a recession, but its arts scene is more fertile than ever. Today, Finns are pushing back the envelope in literature, film, and design. Increasingly, their work is being discovered and championed elsewhere.

"I want to do everything," design sensation Stefan Lindfors said quite matter-of-factly the next day at the Kosmos, the Finnish Elaine's.

The 31-year-old artist was wearing a Red Army cap; on his chest, he sported a three-inch gold lizard, a piece from his renowned collection of jewelry inspired by insects and small reptiles. Lindfors, whom. The Times of London has likened to a "one-man creative hurricane," has brought his feral, Da Vinci-like genius to bear on restaurant and store interiors (he designed the new, otherworldly Helsinki headquarters for the Marimelko corporation), lamps, chairs, posters, album covers, you name it. He is in demand all over town: He has even been hired to redesign the hallway of the Kosmos.

When I left him, after a hurried lunch, he was gesticulating wildly to the befuddled doot-man (who should receive a markka when you leave if you expect to get back in on another occasion- a quaint Finnish custom still enforced at several bars).

Lindfors is also in demand in the United States: The Kansas City Art Institute recently hired the whirling dervish to galvanize its design department.

Matti Pellonpää, though, is staying put. In fact, the walrus-like thespian, who most recently starred in Kaurismäki's La Vie de Bohème, was stationed at the same table in the front of Elite, a popular restaurant, at which I had left him last year- and the year before that. For me, no trip to Helsinki is complete until I've had a few woozy words with the bearded flower child of Finnish cinema, who holds court nightly with a revolving set of amused and deferential friends and fans.

"I am a Communist because I am not a Communist," the actor boomed. He was drinking near beer--his doctor and his girlfriend no longer allowed him his standard daily quart of vodka- but he made no sense nevertheless.

"There are no small roles! There are only small actors!"

Pellonpää was moving up in the world.

Finland's most famous actor and best-known face had finally started earning enough to afford his own apartment. However, he still didn't have an agent; there aren't any agents in Finland--yet. And Pellonpää wished to keep it that way.

"To be, that is the question," he insisted. I didn't understand. "To BE, THAT is the question."

Altogether, I had spent a week in Helsinki.

I had drunk my fill of its strange brew. It was time for the chaser: Stockholm.

So, you ask, which city do I prefer, Helsinki or Stockholm?

That's not a fair question, really, or a germane one, since the sophisticated traveler familiar with the two Scandinavian capitals comes to each expecting a very different experience.

Helsinki and Stockholm are related, in a manner of speaking: They share the same latitude, roughly, and therefore the same weather--which, in this case, continued to be superb. Both cities embody Scandinavian social-democratic values: Both run smoothly; both are relatively free of crime. They are, indeed, cousins, but distant ones.

Stockholmers grow up amid the legacy of empire. There are two royal palaces in their city; there are no royal palaces in Helsinki (although there is a super-tech presidential palace being built that is the subject of some controversy because of its insane expense).

Then there is the matter of topography.

Helsinki fronts on the Baltic Sea; Stockholm is tucked into its own archipelago.

Helsinki feels plebeian and democratic, and a little insecure. Stockholm feels royal.

Helsinki feels exotic. Stockholm feels comfortable. You come to Helsinki expecting to be challenged. You arrive in Stockholm expecting to be spoiled.

To be sure, it is possible to have a crazy time in Stockholm. In fact, the memory of my first evening in the city, after Don and I came by cruise ship from Finland, is something of a blur.

I do recall arriving at the Grand Hôtel, of course. How could I not? For me, this was the consummation of a longtime fantasy. I had always wanted to stay there. There are other five-star hotels in Stockholm, including several smaller but luxurious hostelries across the way in Gamla Stan, the island heart of the city. But there is only one place to stay in Stockholm if you are anybody, and if you can afford it (doubles start at $300; some suites cost upwards of several thousand a night), and that is the Grand. Henry Kissinger stays at the Grand when he is in town. "There was a period in 1973 when Kissinger lived here," said Peter Wallenberg, the current general manager-whose family owns the hotel- over drinks several days later. Bruce Springsteen stays at the Grand, as does Liza Minnelli. And so do all Nobel Prize winners, who are housed, feted, and serenaded every December.

I looked out my window. The management had decided to spoil me: I had the best view in the house. I was on the harbor side three floors up, facing the Old Town. Several hundred yards away, the late-setting sun glinted in the windows of the Royal Palace. Directly beneath me, in the moat-like Mälaren Lake, the small white boats that tour the Stockholm archipelago lay at anchorage. Several fishermen were casting lines: The water here is clean enough to fish in (as well as to swim in).

I didn't have much time to linger over the view, however. There was an electronic message on my TV screen: Per Unger, the manager of the Café Opera, was expecting Don and me for dinner. We were the scheduled guests of honor.

The Café Opera, of course- or simply the Café, as habitués call it- is the place to hang in Stockholm. I didn't have far to walk. The glamorous multipurpose restaurant-café-nightclub is the largest of five eateries housed in the turn-of-the-century Royal Opera House, just down the quay from the hotel.

Leaning out of my hotel window, I could see its huge beveled windows; at midnight they would be lit by strobes as the outer café turned into a discotheque. It was ten o'clock Friday evening, the first true weekend of spring. Already, a line of hopeful Café-ites was forming outside the pleasure palace. I ambled off.

Per really outdid himself that night. After drinks and filet mignon-and not a few goragonized glances at the parade of beautiful women passing by our table- our Swedish emcee ushered Don and me off on a guided tour of the rest of Stockholm's burgeoning nightlife. First we had drinks at Yellow Press, the new gay club in the Swedish World Trade Center; then we moved on to the Bistro Jarl, Stockholm's best outdoor terrace, on Birger Jarlsgartan. Anders Gunnarsson, the balding, bespectacled founder of the Café Opera and the godfather of Stockholm's club scene, was waiting for us there. More drinks; more bilateral toasts. Gunnarsson wanted to take us to another haunt, but I begged off, stumbling back to the Grand.

Don, of course, stayed behind.

Stockholm definitely spoiled me this time around.

I loved staying at the Grand; as expected, the service was exquisite, as was the food, especially that served at the fine new restaurant on the ground floor, facing the palace (I recommend the lamb). Nights, after supper, I would wander over to the café. Later, after hanging out at my table (No. 82), watching the nocturnal hullabaloo, I would saunter, or weave, back to the hotel, beneath the royal starry night. It became something of a routine.

I did leave my compound to meet with several special guests. I had lunch one sunny afternoon with Eva Dahlgren, the mysterious Swedish pop singer whose most recent album, Confessions of a Bleached Blonde ("En Blekt Blondins Hiärta," in the original), has sold just less than a half million copies, a phenomenal number for a country with a population of 8 million. She picked the restaurant, the Ulla Winbladh, on Djurgärden. I had the smörstekt piggvarsfilé med pilgrimsmusslor, tiger räkor och kräftsas. Superb. Eva had the bräckt laxfaril med krassesds ach sauterad ostronskivling. People obviously recognized her, but no one disturbed us, and no one gawked. Everything was very cool, very Swedish.

There is definitely a little Garbo in Dahlgren. Very moody. Goes off to Thailand a lot to be alone. After thirteen years in the music business, Eva, who is in her mid-thirties, is writing a book. "Oh, I can hardly listen to my albums anymore," she said, pouting.

I liked her, though, and I suppose she liked me. At least enough to drive me to my next appointment, a reunion with the writer Stig Larsson, an old friend (and one of the stars of this month's Nordic Poetry Festival in New York City), at Prinsen, a literary hangout off Birger Jarl.

There was a delicious moment in Eva's Corvair, as we stopped for a light, when I finally got her to laugh. Was she a spontaneous person, I asked?

There was a long pause as she considered this question. "No," she finally said, and we both giggled.

Lisa Nilsson, the other reigning diva of Swedish pop, is all business. She met me for breakfast at the Grand. This was more complicated than I expected, mostly because the main dining room was closed for meals at the time -11 A.M. she had requested.

For a moment I was in a dither as I sat in the vast marble lobby contemplating the situation. Then I saw Giesela Wallenberg, the woman who runs the Grand. Mrs. Wallen-berg, who has been at the hotel for thirty years and can recall what Lyndon Johnson had for dinner when he stayed there (as well as other things she is too discreet to tell), knew what to do. Why not order room service in the upstairs foyer? she suggested.

Excellent idea. The meeting with Nilsson and her manager went off without a hitch. I even got her phone number.

As I said, Stockholm spoiled me.

And what about Don? I didn't see much of my friend during the last leg of our rakehells' progress through Scandinavia. You see, one afternoon at the Museum of Modern Art, he struck up a conversation with an attractive nurse.

Of course, she was blonde. The last time I saw him, he was standing with his fetching new companion on the quay beneath my window at the Grand, waving up to me, showing off.

And when it came time for me to leave Stockholm, Don, as usual, stayed behind.

Serling: The Rise and Twilight of Television's Last Angry Man: The Velvet Alley (1958)

Chapter 9 of Gordon F. Sander’s 1992 book Serling: “The Rise and Twilight of Television's Last Angry Man”

Hollywood is a place of ritual, a place where the secrets of power are of magical significance, a place where superstition, sex, and money mingle, where human values are distorted and sometimes lost. It is, in short, a part of that modern cultural continent we all inhabit, a place where in exaggerated form we can see our own communities.

-Hortense Powdermaker!

Rod Serling was on the coast-to-coast NBC tubes on Sunday, and his interview with Martin Agronsky was refreshing and revealing. The former Binghamtonian, whose Hollywood contract is for a quarter of a million dollars, got his start in the WIN studios knocking out scripts for the "Dr. Christian" radio series. Sitting in lush Hollywood surroundings, beside his swimming pool, Mr. Serling appeared young, handsome, nervous, and rich. "This," he said, pointing to the luxury around him, “is just the gravy of what I'm doing."

“Serling Proves Money Is Great,” Binghamton Press, March 18, 1958

A week before the 1958 Emmy Awards presentation, Rod Serling told a reporter, "A guy who wins one Emmy has defied the law of averages. When he wins a second one, he has beaten the law of averages. Winning a third one means that he has proven that the law of averages doesn't exist." The following week, Serling indeed proved that the law of averages didn't exist, by collecting his third consecutive Emmy for Outstanding Dramatic Writing, this time for "The Comedian." But he wasn't smiling--in fact, he had to limp to the stage this time as a result of having a car door close on his leg. To be sure, the Rod Serling who received his third Emmy in March 1958 was not the same man whom the National Academy of Television vision Arts and Sciences audience had seen the year before, still aglow with "Requiem" accolades. Serling's mother, Esther, had died only two weeks before. She had been suffering from high blood pressure for months. When the end came, on March 5, Rod was as much relieved as grieved. She was buried on a cold, miserable day in Syracuse.

His mother's death seemed to trigger new self-doubts, which winning a record third Emmy couldn't quell. In his own estimation, he remained an incomplete writer. Among Serling's many insecurities regarding his chosen profession, he was particularly bothered by his inability to write for women. “I remember that Rod had a great tendency to underwrite his women's roles," said Kim Hunter. "I called him on it and he admitted it. I thoroughly enjoyed doing all his work, really, but I did say to him, “It's all very well you having great women's parts, but it'd be better if you could write them as well, too!” He said to me, 'That's why I love you in my shows, because you fill in all of the things I can't write.”

"I don't think he understood women," said his former secretary, Virginia Cox. “I think he was locked into a male vision. I just don't think women interested him that much. I think he loved them, I think he liked them, I think he got along well with them. I just don't think the female experience interested him. That wasn't the genesis of his creativity. He could not write a love scene. It was part of his limitation, he resented it, he was frustrated by it, he wanted to transcend it, and he could not.”

"What he was best at," said Cox, "were combat scenes. I think the real source of his writing was somewhat limited to his war experience, that was the thing he felt most deeply about, and the thing he wrote best about. When he got away from that, he was less sure. He wanted to be a Paddy Chayefsky, he wanted to deal with complex moral issues, and he did not feel capable of that.

He would say things to me like, “Ginny, why can't I write a love scene?' Cox remembered. "And he couldn't, it was true."

Ethel Wynant, the former casting director for CBS, who cast many of Serling's shows (including, later, The Twilight Zone), agreed: "He didn't write very well for women. He wasn't much interested in women. I think he had some interesting women's parts, but they were only facilitators to move the story along.”

Wynant also noted the importance of the war experience in Serling's work. "If Rod had written “Marty, " she speculated, "that's what it would have been about. He would have had a scene with Joe Mantell (the actor who played Marty's companion) where he would have said, “Goddam it, give me a break. I don't want to sit around here each Saturday night, I wanna get laid. And the only way I'm gonna get laid is if I take Nancy Marchand out, cause nobody wants to lay her. And that's better than not getting laid.' Paddy didn't write that way. And it might have still been a very good play if Rod had written it. It would have been a lot more intense. There wouldn't have been a lot of What do you wanna do tonight, Marty?" 

Director John Frankenheimer, once a close friend of Serling's, also recalled Serling's self-doubts. "Yes, I remember him saying, John, why can't I write a love scene? He never believed in himself as a writer. He always had doubts, and he could never solve that demon in himself. He could never accept that he was a very talented man."

Serling once again used his combat experience as the basis for his next Playhouse 90 telepic, "Bomber's Moon." Directed by Fran-kenheimer, starring Robert Cummings, Martin Balsam, and Rip Torn, the play purported to tell "of the minute tragedies of a few who stand in the backwash of battle."

"Bomber's Moon" is the name of a pub in World War II England where American servicemen hang out between bombing raids on Germany. Colonel Culver (Cummings) is a hardened veteran who calls bereavement "wasteful" and finds cowardice appalling. Young Lieutenant Harrison (Torn) is grounded by Culver for his past cowardice, even though the fun-loving Captain Rierden (Balsam) believes that his friend Culver is being too harsh.

On the next mission, Rierden is killed taking Harrison's place, and an infuriated Culver tells the guilt-stricken Harrison that he should kill himself in shame. Later, he gets a better idea: Harrison should be the one to attempt a dangerous, one-man mission to prove his mettle. The lieutenant reluctantly agrees and succeeds in his mission- but is killed. Culver breaks down: "I killed Harrison... I thought if I could kill Harrison, I could kill that dirty part of myself." Before he is sent home, his superior explains that guilt and grief are a necessary facet of combat and leadership, "an ache we carry in our gut that no medic can cure." The reviews of "Bomber's Moon" (which took its title from a phrase in one of Edward R. Murrow's wartime broadcasts-"It's a bomber's moon tonight") were sufficiently positive to allay some of Serling's insecurities. "There's nothing wrong with TV theater that quality writing can't cure," wrote UPI television critic William Ewald on May 23, 1958. "The astonishing thing about 'Bomber's Moon' was that it managed to sock its way home despite the familiarity of its material.

“I’d heard the story before... but Serling's writing pinched it all alive. He is the kind of writer who is not afraid to linger over a moment that will twitch life into a character — a wise-guy pilot admiring himself at length in a mirror; a lieutenant holding a salute ten seconds, fifteen seconds, until his C.O. [Commanding Officer] sees fit to return it; a silly joke about Anthony Eden injected during a serious moment in a bomb shelter."

One week later, CBS offered its star playwright another one-year exclusive contract, which called for him to write a minimum of three television plays for Playhouse 90 at a rate of ten thousand dollars per script. The network also offered him 40 percent ownership in a science fiction series that it was considering doing with Serling called The Twilight Zone.

Then Serling ran into another censorship storm on his next Playhouse 90 script, "A Town Has Turned to Dust," in which he once again tried to meet the subject of racial prejudice head-on. "By the time the censors had gotten to it, my script had turned to dust," Serling lamented afterward. 

The reviews for "A Town Has Turned to Dust" were generally good. Nevertheless, its censoring left Serling angrier than ever at his network and agency handlers. "We're developing a new citizenry," the writer told the Cincinnati Post, "one that will be very selective about cereals and automobiles, but won't be able to think.”

They [the network and agencies] wanted to sell products," observed Don Freeman," and Rod wanted to sell ideas.”

There was an increasingly cynical tone to Serling's pronouncements about television after "A Town Has Turned to Dust." Serling was wearying of the "Angry Man of television" role. He was also wearying of television, which seemed to be given over entirely to Westerns and quiz shows.

“A final note to any aspiring television writers," Serling declared in another article. "Do westerns and make your horses gray and if you have any burning desire to write of anything that has two sides to it, do a magazine piece on window cleaning."

Writing is a frustrating, nerve-racking, lonely business," Serling told Cosmopolitan. "I figure the creative active life of a writer can't be measured in terms of whole generations. Perhaps in six or seven years I'll be burned out.”

Serling's prediction would prove uncannily accurate.

To be sure, within the CBS hierarchy were some who still loved him. Serling was briefly cheered by a laudatory article about television by CBS Vice-President for Programs Hubbell Robinson, one of the few remaining champions of "serious television" at network headquarters in New York, that appeared in the July 1958 issue of Esquire. In his piece, Robinson included Serling in a short list of "those who have given television its greatest moments." He also put "Requiem for a Heavyweight" at the top of his list of the medium's twenty-five masterworks.

Robinson himself was doomed, soon to be replaced by incoming CBS president James Aubrey (also known as "The Smiling Cobra"), whose programming credo was, “The more interesting the programming content of a television show is, the more it interferes with the commercial message.”

"Success is a terrible attack on your sense of values," the jaded playwright told Time.

“You get teed off because the heater of your swimming pool doesn't work.”

Serling decided to put some of his mordant thoughts about Hollywood and television into a teleplay that summer. He called it "The Velvet Alley." Beware the "velvet alley' of video success- like all Hollywood success, it could also corrode a writer's original values.

"The Velvet Alley" was telecast on Playhouse 90 on February 2, 1959, and told the story of Ernie Pandish (played by Art Carney), who, at forty-two, is trying to eke out a living as a television dramatist. His supportive agent, Max (Jack Klugman), finally hits paydirt and sells one of Ernie's scripts to a prestigious show that originates from Hollywood. Ernie is enamored of the glamour and attention he receives in California. After his show makes him instantly "hot," he decides to stay, in spite of Max's warnings that he should return home.

Months pass, and successful plays continue. Ernie becomes rich and famous, but finds himself more and more irritable, and more and more caught up in the business, unable to give any attention to his wife, Pat. Desperate for guidance, he is sweet-talked into dropping Max and signing with a large, flashy agency. Crushed, Max returns to New York. Equally disillusioned with her husband, Pat follows him.

Later, on the day Ernie wins an Emmy, Max dies of a heart attack. Shocked, Ernie returns to New York and begs his father to come back to California with him he is the only family he has left. Steve Pandish refuses and berates his son for throwing away the things that were really valuable to him. The end of the play finds Ernie Pandish as "successful" as he could ever have dreamed of but weeping, shattered, and totally alone.

"It's all so true," said Saul Marmer, although Serling would publicly insist otherwise. "Just what he would write about in “The Velvet Alley” is what he became. Carol saw it coming. She kept him even in Cincinnati, she kept him on an even keel in Connecticut, but she couldn't in California. She did threaten to leave him. “

"I remember him telling me he took a lot of those argument scenes from his own domestic life," said Don Freeman. "There's a line in there, It's all Disneyland out here.” And Rod said, “You know, Carol actually said that to me.”

Nevertheless, Serling insisted that any resemblance between him and Pandish was coincidental. "One of the basic problems in this industry is that it never trains people for success," he said in a statement issued by CBS. “Suddenly everything's all whipped cream and marshmallows and mink coats and swimming pools. You can't throw this down a gut and expect ready digestion. But to Ernie Pandish, identity became equated with money, and I don't think I'm that way. He traded off certain values: I haven't.”

The play made Serling distinctly unpopular with many of his television colleagues. Californians, Serling found, had very thin skins indeed.

“I won't argue the show's relative merits as a piece of drama and the antiquity of its theme makes it indefensible in the area of originality," the embattled writer wrote in his defense in the monthly bulletin of the Writers Guild of America.

But as to the honesty of its theme and the legitimacy of its people — this I will defend. The chorus of disapproval elicited in these climes after the show made me observe what is a rather odd phenomenon in Los Angeles and particularly in the movie industry.

It suggests a kind of clinical defensiveness and hypersensitivity not known in the East. You can knock New York in front of New Yorkers and they'll yawn at you. You can bitch volubly to the residents of Chicago-and they'll grin at you.

But have the temerity to suggest that Hollywood, California, and its environs and industries have special problems--and this conjures up a chorus of professional knockers whose critical judgment seems to be based more on geographical pride than any analytical and established criteria of good theater.

All television writers don't lose agents and divorce wives and wind up over-fed kooks full of neuroses. But to criticize a piece because a certain protagonist does wind up this way is like criticizing Death of a Salesman because all salesmen don't commit suicide. 

Serling also won praise and criticism, especially for his subject-in 1959 for his acidic portrait of union racketeerism in "The Rank and File." Years later, World-Telegram TV critic Harriet Van Horne would remember the play as one of Serling's most powerful. “I remember a Serling play called Rank and File on that greatly missed series, CBS Playhouse 90," Van Horne wrote in 1975. Van Heflin played the lead.

The story detailed the grubby rise of one Kilcoyne, a Depression-scarred factory worker.

We watched him change from a hungry, beaten man to absolute czar of an international brotherhood, a Hoffa-style union. Along the way, Kilcoyne has paused at many a moral crossroads. Ultimately, gross ambition devours the gentle ide-alist. We see it all in searing flashbacks.

The first scene… is still vivid in memory. Here was a shabby, shuffling picket line on a cold, rainy day in the 30s. Now and then the men put down their signs to warm ungloved hands over a fire in a refuse can.

Suddenly the guards order Kilcoyne to take his hands off the factory fence. He refuses. Before your eyes, his fingers are brutally smashed. He still refuses to remove his hands. 'In that moment, I tell you he was a giant,' we hear the union lawyer remark in the next scene. Then, slowly, the giant disintegrates before our eyes. 

But Serling's time for speaking truth to power—at least via TV—was running out. There wasn't much market in television for plays like "Patterns" and "Rank and File as the fifties came to an end. The live television anthologies that Serling had once thrived on had all but disappeared; eight of the top-ten-rated shows of the 58-59 season were Westerns, one was a detective show, and one was a comedy-variety show.

In the meantime, the television quiz show scandal had struck, and everyone from President Eisenhower to the National PTA was wringing his hands over the subject of network programming. Who controlled it? How could it be improved?

In 1960, the Federal Communications Commission, prodded into action after a decade of leaving the television industry to its own devices, decided to hold hearings on the subject, and as TV's most prominent writer and critic, Serling was invited to testify.

Serling furnished numerous examples of *ludicrous and timorous interference with his work for the commissioners, like the time when an insurance company objected to a suicide in one of his scripts, and the notorious instance, during the rehearsals for "Requiem, when one of the sponsors, the Ronson Lighter Company, asked Serling to change the line "Got a match?" to "Got a light?" And, Serling added, "The food people don't want anything which might reduce the appetite."

For his part, Peter Allport, vice-president of the Association of National Advertisers, criticized The TV writer for advocating the magazine concept' of divorcing advertisers from any control over program content and restricting their activity" and stated that advertisers had not only provided the financial support possible, but had also contributed significantly to much of the program director.

"If the sponsor chooses the play as a kind of piggyback on which he wants to use his commercial, then he has to respect the form he has chosen," Serling replied.

Allport fired back in The New York Times: "Serling has produced some wonderful shows, [but] the situations he describes are not as serious as [he] claim[s]. The advertiser is a pretty good judge of what he wants his name attached to."

In truth, Serling was assailing the wrong enemy. By 1959, the program control pendulum had swung back to the networks, partly because of the advent of multiple sponsorship, and partly because the networks had become more jealous of the product they were putting out. But sponsors still made a better target. Television Age identified Serling as the chief industry critic and called for an industry counteroffensive against the complaints of television critics and writers. 

Serling was encouraged in his attack on the increasing commercialism by his angry counterpart in CBS News, Edward R. Murrow.

In 1958, shortly after his program See It Now was canceled, Murrow delivered a blistering speech to a group of his broadcasting peers. "There is no suggestion here," Murrow cried, "that networks or individual stations should operate as philanthropies. But I can find nothing in the Bill of Rights or the Communications Act which says that they must increase their net profits each year, lest the Republic collapse…I am frightened by the imbalance, the constant striving to reach the largest possible audience for everything; by the absence of a sustained study of the nation... I would like television to produce some itching pills rather than this endless outpouring of tranquilizers… Let us have a little competition. Not only in selling soap, cigarettes, and automobiles, but in informing a troubled, apprehensive, but receptive public.”

The days when CBS— or the television industry—would tolerate an Edward R. Murrow or a Rod Serling were obviously numbered. Serling may have wanted to be the Norman Corwin of television, said Loring Mandel, but, Mandel pointed out:

Rod had something that Corwin didn't have, which was the layer of bureaucracy that grew continually, that separated him from people like Paley. In the time that I wrote, I never got as high as Paley or Stanton. You just didn't get up that far, and they didn't get down that far. The people that you were dealing with were functioning, and you could have a certain amount of contempt for them. . .. We were able to play one another's bureaucrat off against another. Corwin never could, cause there weren't any bureaucrats then.

I'll give you one example of bureaucracy.

In 1956, CBS initiated a writer's development program that lasted one year. I believe that Rod was in it, I believe that Reggie [Rose] was in it, and I was the junior of something like eleven writers. We were given guaranteed annual salaries, and in exchange we were to produce nine outlines for one-hour shows. And CBS could ask us to write four or five of those scripts should they be picked up by any of the shows on the air. We never saw a creative person. The only person we dealt with at CBS was a man named Gilbert Ralston, and he was in business affairs.

We would give this material to Gilbert Ralston, and he would put it in the CBS mail distribution system, so when it got to the shows, it came in like something unsolicited from the mail, and almost none of that material was ever done. It was almost a total waste of time as far as CBS was concerned, because they never made the connection between the program and the creative people they needed. It was all done through business affairs.

Fortunately for Serling, a creative escape presently appeared in the form of The Twilight Zone.

Serling: The Rise and Twilight of Television's Last Angry Man: Prologue

From Gordon F. Sander’s 1992 book "Serling: The Rise and Twilight of Television's Last Angry Man”

10 P.M. September 1965.

1490 Monaco Drive, Los Angeles.

FADE IN on a MEDIUM SHOT - the Script for this psychodrama would say of ROD SERLING, TV writer-host, sitting in the poolside office of his handsome Pacific Palisades estate, purchased in 1958 from former movie star Virginia Bruce, desultorily dictating into his trusty whirring Dictaphone machine. Serling his dark features recognizable to millions of Americans from his long-running and recently canceled CBS television series The Twilight Zone, and from frequent appearances on lesser vehicles like Match Game and Budweiser commercials is half-seated, half-slouching in his favorite working chair, a tall Naugahyde model, with one foot up against the edge of his cluttered wraparound desk. In his right hand is a microphone, which he clicks on and off, and in the left, a sputtering Viceroy, his sixtieth cigarette of the day. Serling is dressed in his usual Hollywood casual-macho style: polo shirt, chino pants, and short leather boots, with lifts to add to his five-foot-four-and-a-half-inch height and, of course, a tan. On his right wrist is his cherished, triangle-shaped Ventura watch, which had been all the rage in 1957 when Serling bought it after winning his second Emmy. On the left is a silver bracelet with the stenciled parachute-and-wings insignia of his old army unit, the 11th Airborne Division.

At the moment, Serling, now in the second year of his presidency of the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, is practicing the short speech he is to make the following night when he co-hosts the 1965 Emmy Awards telecast with comedian Danny Kave. His words are spoken in quick, smoke-entangled bursts, with Kapunervation spelled out for the benefit of his longtime secretary and confidante Marjorie Langsford. Serling, who is about to depart the NATAS after a stormy and depressing tenure as its titular head, has decided to use the occasion to fire off a brief parting statement on the parlous state of the television medium.

Serling pauses, inhales deeply from his Viceroy, and sadly gazes around the cozy, poolside lanai, which he had specially built for himself after purchasing the rambling two-acre estate upon moving to California from Connecticut in 1957, and which he now uses as office, den, occasional pied-à-terre.

On his giant desk, as we share his POINT OF VIEW, are the assorted accoutrements of the busy modern scenarist, and Serling is nothing, if not busy. In addition to Dictaphone and Dictatapes, there is a call directory telephone with buttons for his wife, Carol, his secretary, Langsford, and his agent at Ashley-Steiner, Alden Schwimmer; a portable twelve-inch Sony television set (which, lately, Serling has come to abhor); and a dozen or so thumb-eared scripts from television and film projects either in development or in production, including several upcoming episodes of the writer's new iconoclastic Western series, The Loner, Serling's first venture into continuing character television, and the final shooting script of Assault on a Queen, a feature film about the hijacking of a cruise liner, which he is writing on order for Frank Sinatra. There is also one conspicuous piece of personal memorabilia, an oak frame containing the Purple Heart with Oak Leaf Cluster, which Serling was awarded after receiving two wounds during the bitter and bloody battle to retake the Japanese-held city of Manila at the close of World War Il.

Next Serling's wistful gaze takes in the six gleaming Emmy statuettes he has received over the past decade, arrayed on the wall before him. There is the first, which Serling, then thirty, won for "Patterns," the vitriolic portrait of the carpet-lined corporate jungle, which he wrote for the dramatic anthology show Kraft Television Theatre, and which made Serling a media hero after it was broadcast in January 1955. Next to that, Emmy is the one that Serling won for "Requiem for a Heavyweight," his acclaimed, searing ringside drama, which confirmed Serling's status as the television writer to watch, and which the author, a former amateur boxer himself, considers his finest writing for the medium. Then there is the next back-to-back Emmy, the one Serling got in 1958 for his wrenching adaptation of Ernest Lehman's story "The Comedian," about a megalomaniacal comedian, which also made a star of its director, John Frankenheimer, when it was shown on Playhouse 90. And on the shelf below, the Emmys, from 1960 and 1961, for The Twilight Zone; and finally, the sixth and most recent, earned for Serling's pungent adaptation of John 'Hara's classic short story about the weary art of bartending, "It's Mental Work", broadcast in April 1964 on Bob Hope Presents the Chrysler Theater, a filmed anthology show and one of the last shows of its kind on the air.

There are other glittering prizes nearby: the prestigious Peabody Award from 1956, the first ever given to a writer; the 1959 Look Magazine Annual Television Award; the Golden Globe Award for Best Male Television Star of 1962; the 1956 and 1958 Writers Guild of America Awards.

Beneath these, as we PAN DOWN, is a gallery of still photographs of some of the writer's most prized video moments: the electrifying scene in "The Rack," Serling's 1955 drama about cowardice and men's breaking points, set during the Korean War, in which Wasnik, the defense attorney, played by Keenan Wynn, finally forces out of his client, Captain Hall (Marshall Thompson) - under court-martial for making treasonable statements while a North Korean prisoner of war a choking description of how he "broke"; the famous night scene in "Patterns,” where Fred Staples (Richard Kiley), young executive on the rise at Ramsey and Company, finds Andy Sloane (Ed Begley) alone in their office, after the failing Sloane has taken another pounding from Ramsey, the ruthless, manipulative company president, and tries to persuade Sloan to resign before Ramsey utterly crushes him; the shattering moment in "Requiem" when Jack Palance, playing the battered ex-boxer, Mountain McClintock, looks into the mirror for the first time after his morally bankrupt manager (Keenan Wynn again) has successfully connived to make him a wrestler, and sees himself as a clown.

Finally, our inquiring camera PANS RIGHT to the sliding glass doors leading to the standard Hollywood over-sized, and rarely used, swimming pool, the very same sort of pool that Serling and his friends and fellow video immigrants from the East used to nervously joke about when they "sold out" and left New York for "the land of mink swimming pools" in the late 1950s, and the metaphor that the guiltily successful teledramatist used for spiritual corruption in his autobiographical study of the hazards of Hollywood-style TV writing, "The Velvet Alley." The pool as usual is empty on this night, but its underwater lights cast a strange, slightly surreal glow.

Serling's bittersweet reverie ends. He continues dictating the requiem for the television medium he is to deliver the following evening. Outwardly, one would think, Rod Serling has little to complain about. Clearly, he has the respect and affection of his peers in television—witness his election to the presidency of the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, the closest thing the television industry has to a governing body, and the first time the post had gone to a writer; the previous president was Walter Cronkite.

Serling, as his cluttered desk indicates, has never had more work. Only one year after CBS's final cancellation of the five-year-old Twilight Zone series a development that the burned-out writer-creator-host had actually welcomed- he is already back on the air, and seemingly back in business, with the promising Loner.

Serling's parallel screenwriting career also appears to be thriving. After years of disappointment in the cinema, the writer had received critical acclaim for his taut screenplay for Seven Days in May, a political thriller directed by his old friend John Frankenheimer, helping to drive his fee per script over the $150,000 mark and bringing him to the attention of Frank Sinatra and other film producers. Besides Sinatra's commission for Assault on a Queen, he has two other original screenplays or adaptations for major producers in the works. The always articulate and increasingly politically active Serling has also been increasingly in demand as a speaker. In the next month of September 1965, alone, Citizen Serling is scheduled to give a dozen speeches on various issues around the country in his capacity as NATAS president.

The outspoken and successful writer has a beautiful wife, Carol, whom he met and married while they were undergraduates at Antioch College, and two pretty daughters, Jody, fourteen, and Nan, nine. They have two dogs: Beau, an Irish setter, currently resting on the couch at the far end of the studio, and George, a dachshund. They have a full household staff, including a maid and a gardener. They have the huge stone-studded house; a country estate on Cayuga Lake in upstate New York; a thirty-six-foot Chris-Craft tri-cabin on which they spend a large part of the summer cruising the Finger Lakes. An old car buff, Serling also possesses a fourteen-thousand-dollar replica of a classic 1936 Auburn Speedster, which his wife--who drives a black Cadillac Eldorado--despises. The writer stops dictating and curses, apologizes to his secretary, turns off the machine, lights another Viceroy, looks at the ceiling, and contemplates the nightmare his life has become.

For Rod Serling is not a happy man.

It began in March, when the writer was hospitalized for chest pains while making a speech before the Academy's Washington, D.C., chapter. Initial news reports indicated that Serling had suffered a coronary attack; in fact it was "only" exhaustion, but Serling, whose family has a history of heart trouble, believes it is only a matter of time before he has the real thing. He believes he will die within a year or two, so why, he rationalizes, should he slow down? Within days of leaving the hospital, he is tearing around the country again, like the driven, fatally sick protagonist of the concurrent series Run for Your Life, played by Serling's friend Ben Gazzara.By the same skewed logic, the writer rationalizes his suicidal four-pack-a-day smoking habit.

Serling's marriage is also in disrepair. Indeed, although Rod and Carol live on the same grounds, they have become virtual strangers to each other, with the writer essentially moving into the lanai, female visitors and all, while his wife remains in the house a mere 150 feet away.

Prosperous appearances notwithstanding, matters on the business front aren't especially rosy for Serling either. No sooner had he sold CBS the syndication rights to The Twilight Zone, thinking that the show would never make money in syndication than he learned that the network was making a fortune from syndication, a fortune he had signed away -a fortune that would have guaranteed his family's economic security.

In fact, Rod Serling doesn't much like being Rod Serling. He doesn't even like being president of the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. Already his controversial plan to refine the Academy's Emmy Award system has caused considerable internecine warfare within the organization and made enemies of such former friends as Fred Friendly, the president of CBS News, and others within the television industry.

In fact, Rod Serling doesn't like television. It isn't a serious writer's medium anymore, he feels. Just five years before, in 1960, there had been thirteen dramatic anthology shows on the air, including his own landmark series The Twilight Zone. Now, in the fall of 1965, there are none; even Bob Hope Presents the Chrysler Theater, Serling's last video proscenium, has been canceled, a victim of ratings. It is the era of the situation comedy. The hottest program of the new fall season is Hogan's Heroes, an inane comedy set in a German prisoner of war camp, a show that Serling, an ethnic Jew, deeply loathes.

Then there is The Loner. Serling was initially excited about the show, starring Lloyd Bridges as Civil War veteran William Colton. A "cerebral Western,” Serling had optimistically called it. CBS, though, thought it was too cerebral. The network, to Serling's dismay, wanted more action, which Serling read as more violence. A bitter feud ensued. Serling, true to his frequent foot-in-the-mouth form, made matters worse by publicizing his dissatisfaction with the network in an interview with the Philadelphia Inquirer several weeks before.

The Loner is now in limbo, and Serling, as he recently discovered during a visit to CBS headquarters in New York, has succeeded in making himself persona non grata at the very network, CBS, which had originally spawned him during the golden years of the 1950s. Production of the show has been halted pending a resolution of the writer's and the network's "creative differences," as the Hollywood euphemism goes.

To be sure, if Serling had his druthers now, he would quit Hollywood, return to New York, write plays and novels; at least that's what he tells people. But of course, he won't: too expensive. And too scary.

If this isn't the nadir, it is close to it. Indeed, Serling's life, on this warm September evening in the Pacific Palisades, resembles a page from his own "Velvet Alley" script. "You know how they do it, Ernie?" Eddie, the cynical director, brilliantly played by Leslie Niel-sen, had warned in the mordant 1959 Playhouse 90 drama. "They give you $1000 a week and keep giving you $1000 a week until that's what you need to live on. Then . .. you live in a nightmare for fear that they'll take it away from you."

At the moment, Rod Serling is living that very nightmare. Right now, like his video alter ego Ernie Pandish, he is afraid that the powers that be in "Bubbleland," as he disparagingly calls his adopted hometown, are indeed going to take it all away from him, all the money, all the attention, all the access. Lately, like Pandish, he has begun wondering whether he has "optioned his soul," and so have many of his fans. If not, then how to explain Serling's recent crop of game show appearances, not to mention aspirin and floor wax ads? If that isn't selling out, what is? But the hour is late for regrets.

Meanwhile, the Emmy Awards, which Serling is hosting the following evening, must go on. And the vestigial "angry young man" in Serling is determined to say his piece before the monster medium that he helped create swallows him whole.

Sitting up in his Naugahyde chair, ready once again for verbal combat, he clicks on his microphone and continues dictating and cursing into the night.

SLOW FADE TO BLACK.

The Freelance Market. A Successful Writers Tells You What to Write and Where to Take It.

So, you want to be a freelance writer?

What's wrong with you? Don't you know that during your first year as a freelance, you probably won't earn more than $3,000-if even that?

Don't you know that the publications you'll be penning your sterling prose for may not pay you for weeks--perhaps months?

Don't you know that knocking off a few articles in your spare time is no problem at all if you have spare time 9-5 p.m., five days a week?

Don't you know that the suicide rate for freelance writers is soaring--and that freelancers are frequently disowned by their families (especially if they are Jewish)?

Don't you know that most freelance writers won't even give each other the time of day?

You still want to be a freelance writer? OK. You've passed the first test. Because if you're the sort who's easily discouraged -whether by a rejection slip or a telephone disconnect notice (and there will be lots of both)-this is not a job for you.

The fact is, freelancing can be one of the best jobs in the world. Successful freelance writers get to see their by-lines on the covers of the country's best publications, travel all over the world (expenses paid), meet all sorts of interesting and crazy people and they can sleep late on Mondays.

Nevertheless, "success can be very elusive. It may take years before you hit the big time. But you probably know this already. You've probably already met your share of struggling writers. Pathetic, aren't they?

Well, soon you'll be one of them.

Perhaps you already have an article, or an idea for an article that you have been panhandling, without success, through mails.

What did you do wrong?

Perhaps your article wasn't very well written. Perhaps the idea wasn't well thought out. Perhaps it was submitted at the wrong time. Or misdirected. Or, more likely, perhaps you haven't shown your article or article idea to the right editor.

But before I go into any more of the nitty-gritty, let's define our terms.

What is a freelance writer? According to the latest edition of Webster's New World Dictionary, a "freelance" is “1. a medieval soldier who sold his services to any state or military leader; mercenary. 2. a person who acts according to his own principles and is not influenced by any group. 3. a writer, actor, etc. who is hot under contract for regular work but sells his writing or -services to any buyer.

To be sure, the modern-day, professional freelance is a combination of all three of the above--a freethinking mercenary who writes for the highest bidder. Or, to paraphrase Richard Boone, you might say that our motto is "have pen--will travel" (and that pen better be loaded),

Sounds cynical, doesn't it? Well, you have to be a little cynical if you want to make it as a freelance. You also must be patient, disciplined, reliable, business-minded, and a little nuts, although not necessarily in that order.

It also helps if you know how to write.

All told, there are some 20,000 to 30,000 Americans who list their occupation as freelance writing, according to a recent Department of Labor survey; probably three-quarters of these live in New York. Of this number no more than one or two thousand actually make a living from freelancing. Perhaps three or four hundred make a good living from freelancing.

And what do freelance writers write? Most, like myself, write articles, essays, or reviews for newspapers or magazines. Some with commercial or public relations experience writes speeches and advertisements. A few write jingles for greeting cards. Others do it all.

During my first year as a freelance, based in Ithaca, New York. I did everything from writing articles about the "campus mood' for the Cornell Alumni News 10 concocting a serialized history of beer for a local discount beverage store to ghostwriting for law and medical school ($50 per essay; $25 for every school the customer was admitted into).

In short, I was a hack. Most freelancers begin as hacks. It's only later on when they can affix their names to their work, that freelancers can afford to think of themselves as writers or--if they are only writing for periodicals- journalists.

Nevertheless one shouldn't delude oneself -the abyss is always near. The danger point comes when a freelancer has his or her work published in a prestigious publication, like the Times, or Atlantic Monthly, or, if lightning strikes, The New Yorker. That's when there's a temptation to rest on your laurels.

That's what happened to me after I sold my first article to the Times Magazine for all of $850. I was on top of the world. Friends and relatives from California, Alaska, and other points distant phoned to say, breathlessly, that they had all read my article (in this case, a profile of Holland) and "loved it!" Suddenly filled with generous, humane impulses, I threw a party for various friends and creditors at an expensive restaurant. I treated myself to some plants and posters 1 also stopped sending out for work. Within a month, I was broke again. And all those accolades weren't worth a damn.

So, you still want to be a freelance writer?

OK. Here are some pointers on getting started.

1. What equipment do I need to get started as a freelancer?

Not much--a typewriter, some good business bond, a small reference library, including a good dictionary and a Thesaurus, and a copy of Writer's Market '79 (See The Writer's Bookshelf.

It also helps to have a cat or two (or at least a responsive set of plants) to keep you company during the long, lonely hours you'll be holed up in your apartment.

Scotch and soda are optional. No grass, please--and no speed (unless you are a narcoleptic).

2. What publications are looking for new contributors?

Almost all are—just take a look at Writer's Market.

The fact is, most periodicals and many newspapers get most of the stuff they publish from freelancers. Yes, even the dailies.

However, you must have what the editors are looking for. The best way to break in is to target a few publications in a particular market that you are interested in or think you are qualified to write for, and read as many back issues of these publications as you can. After a while, you'll have a pretty good idea of the editors' tastes. Remember: most editors edit their publications for themselves. You have to psych them out.

Some of the better markets these days are alumni magazines (this is where I broke in), regional publications (New York, Boston, Washingtonian), and service-oriented publications (Apartment Life, Gourmet).

3. How do magazines and newspapers pay?

Some publications pay by the column inch, others by the word. Some pay by the page. The best-paying magazines are mass-circulation, general interest publications like Reader's Digest, Playboy, Esquire, National Geographic, and some women's magazines.

Obviously, these are also the hardest to break into. Skin books (Playboy, Penthouse) pay the best of all.

4. Do I need a "specialty" to make it as a freelance?

No, but it helps--particularly if you can document previous experience in that specialty, writing or otherwise. For example, a teacher will have a better chance of getting an assignment from a specialized education publication than someone who is simply interested in education.

The most crowded specialties are the most glamorous ones-politics, arts, sports. Someone with expertise in one of the more arcane areas of current affairs, such as finance, education, or religion should have a much better chance of making a go at it.

Nevertheless, the most important thing is your ideas.

If you have a great article idea- or at least what an editor thinks is a great article idea-he will probably give you a shot at it. (Contrary to rumor, most editors do not steal article ideas; they wouldn't be in business very long if they did).

5. How do I send out for work?

Some editors will entertain queries by phone.

However, almost all will demand to see what is known in the trade as a query letter.

In this letter, which should be no more than one or two pages in length, you should outline your article idea as colorfully and succinctly as possible, as well as your qualifications for writing it. Almost all editors will demand to see some samples of your previously published work.

If you don't have any writing samples to show, then you probably should just go ahead and write the article on speculation and submit it. Remember to enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope. And pray.

6. How should I structure my time, once I go freelance?

First of all, you should give yourself a daily word quota. Five hundred is good to start with. I try to write 1000, just as Shaw once suggested.

You should also devise a fairly rigorous routine with periods for pure writing, research, and correspondence, respectively.

On a typical day I'll write about 1000 words of an assigned article in the morning, go out to research my next article or article query in the afternoon, and devote a few hours in the evening to correspondence Of course, if you work better at night, you may want to reverse this.

It also helps to paste famous quotations on the wall. One of my perennials is "This too shall pass.”

Capital of Cool

From Visit Finland, Spring/Summer 2008

Helsinki started the millennium in 2000 as the European Capital of Culture, and that's how it continues to think of itself. And why not? It has romantic architecture, splendid museums, a wonderful location, and a unique personality - A nordic liberal with a dash of melancholy. Did you know that Finns are obsessed with the mournful strains of the tango?

In 1995 the country joined the EU and has prospered. Flush with cash and self-confidence, the 'White City of the North teems with contagious energy. Last year, it was ranked one of the world's top ten destinations by the Lonely Planet guide. It's also the cleanest city in Europe.

Design is important to Helsinki. Modernist architects and designers like Alvar Aalto, Eliel Saarinen, and Timo Sarpaneva are already world-famous, and Jackie Kennedy put Marimekko on the map when she bought its bold fabrics in the 1960s. Now, there's a new wave of designers, led by the much-garlanded Harri Koskinen, and Julia Lundsten, whose shoe designs have been taken up by Manolo Blahnik. Look out, too, for Tonfisk and Saara Renvall; also Secco, which turns tyre inner tubes into handbags.

Such is the importance of design that Helsinki now has a designated Design District - five or six blocks straddling Mannerheimintie, the main boulevard. The area also encompasses the Design Museum and Museum of Finnish Architecture, and it is a good place to start exploring Helsinki, a city easily navigated on foot or by bicycle.

As a base you could do worse than the revamped Hotel Klaus K on elegant Bulevardi, now a hotspot with three sleek restaurants and the Ahjo nightclub. From the 'Kurki', slip round the corner to Uudenmaankatu, Helsinki's most happening street.

Do you collect glass? Finnish littala glassware is a global brand, but do check out no. 2 and the work of the Nuutajärvi Glass Village at Grayscale Helsinki. Couture? No. 15 is the HQ of IVANAHelsinki, a hip fashion label of Paola Suhonen, whom last year became the first Finn to show at Paris fashion week. Peckish? Step across the road to the bistro Rafla, at no. 9 - great for a quick bite while eyeballing Helsinki's trendies.

Then, go one block to Design Forum Finland at Erottajankatu 7 and treat yourself to a brilliant desk lamp by young lighting designer Elina Järvinen, or something interesting by the sister couturier duo of Päivi and Jaana Haaksiluoto. Of course, Artek, the famous design house selling Aalto furniture, must also be on your itinerary.

Aalto is to Helsinki what Gaudí is to Barcelona, and his Finlandia concert hall, completed in 1971, is a modernist masterpiece in a city that comfortably encompasses modernism, art nouveau, and neo-classicism. The city's compact size emphasizes these differences in style, ranging from Carl Ludvig Engel's 19th-century, neo-classical waterfront and Senate Square to Saarinen's magnificent train station (1919), with its pairs of forbidding stone giants flanking the entrance.

In striking contrast is the Kiasma Museum of Contemporary Art (1998), with its shining walls of curving aluminum. Different again is the rock church of Temppeliaukio (1969), hewn from solid rock, whose perfect acoustics have made it a major concert venue.

Helsinki is not all culture, bars, and shopping, however. It's also about nature, especially water. The geography, on a Baltic peninsula surrounded by islands, is magnificent, with abundant parks and a bustling harbor. It's ideal for boating, walking and cycling. It's worth investing €33 in a 24-hour Helsinki Card, a transport ticket that will get you into 5o attractions.

It costs nothing, however, to stroll through Kaivopuisto Park, Helsinki's oldest, or ride a green 'citybike' (€2 returnable deposit) to the beach at Hietaranta, one of several in the city. For a good day trip, take the ferry to Suomenlinna, Helsinki's ancient sea fortress, or ride horses and swim in the lake at the Nuuksio National Park.

Fish is at the heart of Finnish cuisine and food lovers should make their way to the kauppatori, the market square near the harbour, for salmon and whitefish. The Russo-Finnish restaurant Bellevue does great herring in mustard and sour cream. Carnivores looking for authenticity at reasonable prices should check out the HelsinkiMenu, a scheme promoting restaurants specializing in Finnish dishes.

More proof of this capital of cool' is to be found at the new Korjaamo Culture Factory, where photographer Raoul Grünstein has transformed a former train-repair shop into a 24/7 arts centre, with a club that showcases rising Finnish comics. Yes, Finns like to laugh as well as tango.