The Gordon Sander Family Suggestion Box (Unpublished 9/89)

Most frequent complaints, as heard by subject, either directly or relayed by other relative (10 most frequent in 1989):

1. Generally irresponsible
2. Financially irresponsible
3. Insufficiently amiable on social occasions
4. Leaves inane phone messages
5. Shouldn’t have fallen out of treehouse
6. Shouldn’t have moved out to East Hampton
7. Shouldn’t be such a burden to the family and mankind in general
8. Late to family affairs (especially Passover)
9. Poorly groomed
10. Generally immature

Other miscellaneous complaints:

1. Shouldn’t have gotten white chairs (too easily soiled)
2. Should take down bunk bed
3. Weighs too much
4. Spends too much on research for book
5. Should get phone machine fixed
6. Poor handwriting
7. Spends too much on cat food
8. Keeps ridiculous hours
9. Doesn’t call relatives
10. Lives like a slob

Helpful suggestions recently received by subjects:

1. Grow up
2. Get a decent job
3. Declare bankruptcy
4. Declare a insolvency
5. Hurry up and finish book
6. Just hurry up
7. Get a hair cut
8. Get another hair cut
9. Get another hearing aid
10. Don’t talk about yourself so much

Old complaints that can always be revived:

1. Shouldn’t have gone to Cornell
2. Shouldn’t nave become a writer
3. Shouldn’t have left the bookselling business
4. Shouldn’t have cat (too expensive!)
5. Shouldn’t have gone to Europe
6. Doesn’t know the meaning of friendship
7. Doesn’t know the meaning of a dollar
8. Spends too much on magazines
9. Plays harmonica at inappropriate times
10. Didn’t help Oma Flinda enough in 1978

Old suggestions that can always be revived:

1. Become a male nurse (attributed to Oma Flinda, but never verified)
2. Go to law school
3. Call up Vivian Holtzer (troglodyte referred to by D.S. in 1976)
4. Call up Uncle Carl for mystery garment district job
5. Move to Queens
6. Move in with Mom
7. Just get out of here (general vicinity)
8. See if Bloomingdale’s still has work in housewares department
9. Call up Adrienne Mintzer (abhorrent P.S: 131 schoolmate)
10. Be nicer

KEEP THIS BY YOUR PHONE FOR EASY REFERENCES — AND REMEMBER, I’M ALWAYS OPEN TO NEW COMPLAINTS AND KIND SUGGESTIONS!

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